have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
