remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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