so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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