nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
