So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
