I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
