There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
