false alarm. still invincible.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
