You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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