He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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