Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He felt like a one man threesome
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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