he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
