he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
