oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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