walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
