words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
