he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
