Dual....:-)
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
