Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
