You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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