Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
