Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
