every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
