he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
