I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
