He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
