im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
