Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
