Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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