well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
