she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
