Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
