Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
