I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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