dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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