Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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