like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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