this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
