think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
