It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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