Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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