we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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