Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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