First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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