It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
