Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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