Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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