i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
