This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
