I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
