a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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