kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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