He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
